Welcome to my first blog for Kindness Counseling. I’d like to begin our journey together by providing some insight into the name of my practice and guiding philosophy.
For the past 20 years, I’ve worked as a counselor in many capacities, beginning in an inpatient psychiatric unit in my home country of Brazil. Other places I’ve worked include a substance abuse residential program, a methadone clinic, a hospital, at college counseling centers and in private practice. The more clients I’ve had the privilege of working with, the more I recognize themes that lead to suffering—constant self-criticism and difficulty being kind to one’s self being two of them.
In all fairness, being kind to yourself can be challenging. It requires the ability to:
Approach your feelings and thoughts in a nonjudgmental manner
Validate your own feelings
Be patient with yourself
Provide comfort for yourself
Forgive yourself when you make mistakes
As humans, we’re all are bound to make mistakes and that’s okay. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way many of us forgot that in order to thrive, we also must fail. We also forgot that much of what happens to us is simply beyond our control.
Maybe you had a difficult childhood, you were bullied at school or your neighborhood was not safe. Maybe you were taught that compassion is for the weak. It’s possible that well-meaning people in your life told you that your only choice is to “power through” tough situations. Society reinforces those beliefs by telling us that we have to work harder, be better and do it all with a smile on our faces. If we buy into those misguided ideas, most people become even harder on themselves and replace self-kindness with anxiety, shame, depression and other mental health conditions.
Let’s be perfectly clear, kindness toward yourself is a major form of strength and maturity. However, putting kindness into practice isn’t always easy. Below are some simple ways to get started.
Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. If you wouldn’t call a friend names or shame them for having made a mistake, refrain from doing that to yourself.
Remind yourself of your strengths and qualities, and avoid repeating negative things you’ve heard from others.
If you make a mistake, think of it as a learning opportunity. Consider what you’ll do differently next time. This will help build resilience and inner peace knowing that you can continually move forward.
Carve out some time for yourself. Even five minutes can help tremendously because we often don’t have more time than that.
Let go of the need to be perfect. Perfection is overrated. In fact, you are perfect the way you are.
After a lifetime of negative self-talk and feelings that you don’t measure up to someone else’s ideal, showing kindness to yourself will not happen overnight. It will take practice, courage and time, but it will be worth it. If you need help on the journey toward kindness, please know that I’d be honored to help you along the way. Afterall, Kindness Counseling was established with kindness.
Warmly,
Dr. V.